


The Buffy-Star Wars Crossover AU That I Will Never, Ever, Write

by cantarina, reena_jenkins



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV), Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebellion Era - All Media Types
Genre: Buffy Summers - Bounty Hunter, Buffy Summers - Space Pirate, Crossover, Force-Sensitive Leia Organa, Gen, Multi-voice Podfic, Oral Notfic, Podfic, Podfic Collaboration, Post-Order 66, Timeline What Timeline, picks up from the episode "Anne"
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-01
Updated: 2018-10-01
Packaged: 2019-07-18 12:12:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16118204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cantarina/pseuds/cantarina, https://archiveofourown.org/users/reena_jenkins/pseuds/reena_jenkins
Summary: in which reena_jenkins combines a love of buffy crossovers, force-sensitive leia, space pirates, and all things quinlan & aaylaand cantarina is dragged along for the ride





	The Buffy-Star Wars Crossover AU That I Will Never, Ever, Write

**Coverartist:**    [ **reena_jenkins**  ](https://reena-jenkins.dreamwidth.org/)  
****

**Warnings:** oral notfic, Podfic Collaboration, Multi-Voice Podfic, Crossover, Timeline What Timeline, Buffy Summers - Space Pirate, Buffy Summers - Bounty Hunter, post-Order 66, Force-Sensitive Leia Organa

 **Length:**  00:23:54

 **Download Link:**  You can download this podfic as an mp3 [ **right over here**](http://reena.parakaproductions.com/podfics/\(BtVS_SW\)%20_The%20Buffy-Star%20Wars%20Crossover%20AU%20That%20I%20Will%20Never,%20Ever,%20Write_.mp3) (thanks for hosting us, [](https://paraka.dreamwidth.org/profile)[ **paraka**](https://paraka.dreamwidth.org/))

Buffy, having just lived through her season two finale, still runs into a terrible guy in LA who sends LA teens through a portal. She still kicks demon butt, saves the teenagers and the day, but gets stuck.

In the Star Wars galaxy. On Corellia specifically, because it's the LA of outer space.

The aliens confuse her slayer senses at first - they look like demons! but they don't feel like demons! - and she struggles to adjust to landing in the criminal underworld. She winds up in a fight club, where she runs into a notorious gambler by the name of Lando Calrissian. Through a series of improbable events that we don't actually detail in the not!fic, Buffy ends up copiloting the Millenium Falcon! It's Buffy coming to terms with herself as a slayer of demons in a world where there are no demons to slay, as Buffy Summers: Space Pilot. (Wedge gives her shit for her name; she quips, "Where I come from, I wear you like shoes. Take your 70s porn stache and go home.")

OR she ends up as a space bounty hunter, and she and Boba Fett are perpetually stealing each other's bounties! Or even PRINCESS LEIA, SPACE BOUNTY HUNTER AND BUFFY'S RIVAL. There's a strong "I admire you but want to kick you in the shins" vibe.

To Force users, Buffy scans as a holocron, as more of an echo of a person than a person. Quinlan Vos is the first full-trained Force user who encounters her. He and Ayla survived Order 66, bt it's soured them on the idea of being "joiners". They're not part of the Rebellion, more like space pirates who keep Force-sensitive kids safe from the Inquisitors.

After Buffy takes on a gig to capture one of those kids for the Empire. She comes into this universe during the Empire's reign; all she knows about the Force is the Empire's "dark magic" propaganda.

We go off on a tangent and decide Tara MacLay survives in this universe, and how Buffy would be okay with trading off never finishing high school for her life. We talk weapons - Buffy probably still keeps a stake on her person, if only for the familiarity and maybe a good back-up weapon (no one's looking for pointy sticks when they're scanning for blasters). Marisa adds, "Padme's got that holdout blaster, Buffy's got a holdout stabber."

So you've got Leia, secret Force sensitive rescuing kids from the Inquisitors under the guise of "brb just running a token diplomatic mission" and then dressing up like she did in Episode 6, and Ayla and Quinlan doing the same without the excuses and costumes. They don't know who Vader is, or who Leia is to him. Leia, Buffy, Quinlan, and Ayla come together comedy-of-errors style, as they all get under each other's feet on the same run. Maybe Leia isn't in disguise this time, maybe she just walks in in full senatorial regalia, demanding answers, and throws off Buffy's shot. Leia just keeps GETTING IN THE WAY. Is Leia obtuse? Incompetent? No, she is deliberately getting in the way.

Leia finally manages to get away with the kid, but Buffy and Quinlan and Ayla end up in a standoff in a ship trying to kidnap each other. Quinlan: "I've successfully kidnapped myself twice before." Buffy's a little annoyed not to get the bounty, because "rent and shoes and blaster packs" until someone angrily points out, in a way that would be quite reasonable if Buffy had grown up there, that she cannot possibly be naive enough to think she ISN'T working for an evil facist regime. At first they take her for a callous asshole, but the things she says just... don't quite add up. "Live under a rock? / Well, I fell through a hole in the ceiling one time."

Marisa really just wants Buffy to be space pilots with Han and Chewie but ALSO freedom fighter space pilots and makeout buddies with Quinlan and Ayla but ALSO ALSO an independent space pilot/pirate who keeps dogging the steps of her rival, who is Leia, and then they have to make out.


End file.
